Wait.. not yet...

There was the time I ate Thai food. I say "Can you make it spicy?" the waitress says "How spicy you like it". My wife leans over me interrupting and says "As hot as you can make it. He can take it. He likes it that way.".

Rather than eat my pride, I just nodded. Hmmm....

When it came it was still sizzling and letting off some smoke. It was so spicy everyone's eyes started watering and people everywhere in the restaurant started coughing and gagging.

The waitress ran and opened the front doors and a few minutes later I looked over to see all of the cooks leaning out the kitchen... staring at me. Some with a grin, and some with a concerned look. Nice.

So I ate... I held back any emotion or signs of pain. The waitress asked me "You like some water?". I calmly said no.

She came back again "You need a refill on your drink???". No. I do not, I'm fine.

Yeah I'm stubborn. I ate the whole meal without a drink, paid and left.

They were impressed. I could tell.

I went home, went to bed. Nothing too bad. No big deal. This will show the wife! yeah... this will show her.

The next morning, I drove to work and started feeling the cramps. I had to drive an hour to sarasota so I toughed it out the whole way, holding my breath at times to prevent any sort of surprise. When I got there I rushed to the bathroom, and there were a few people in there taking a whiz.

I calmly walk to the stall, close the door, drop my pants, bend over and before I could even approach the toilet seat there is this really loud "POP!" sound, like a balloon popping!?!

Startled I look back and it looks like someone textured the entire wall behind the toilet with brown mud. Argh! An ass explosion! Not in the toilet, not on the seat, on the entire wall behind me. Hell I hadn't even sat down yet!

Just as someone at the sink says "what the heck was that" the smell hits and people start gagging. Nothing smells as bad as airborne liquid pooh... worst part was I had to sit there for another hour trying not to think about it until i could finish my business enough to clean off the wall and leave.

Ok I'm done. I don't need any new nick names.